I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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