I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
