TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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