Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
