i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
