Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Randomize