oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
