I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
