We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
