There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Randomize
