you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Pants are for mortals
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
