I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
