the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
