Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
