U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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