Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
