i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
