The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
