So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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