she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
