I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
