shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize