i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
