Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
