6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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