...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
