I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
