Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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