took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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