I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize