Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
