When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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