After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
