Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
two words: eviction party
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
