Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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