so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
