in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
