I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
