My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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