We're facebook friends in real life
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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