you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
