i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
