omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
