I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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