She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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