im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i out mim tonsoeep
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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