So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
