Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
