so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
