i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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