Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
