The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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