y did u give ur computer a hand job?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
