hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize