Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
