the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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