remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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