They should really pass out barf bags in church
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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