i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
