Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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