just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
last night I used snow as a chaser
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
