im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize