8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
