Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I want to make a zoo with you.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
