You really coming over, don't trick.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
