Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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