my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize