Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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