Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There's always time for handjobs
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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